Back in 1998 relationship i was in was shit i was leaving the it with my daughter and step son when on the way home driving my car a bus hit my car.Thats when my life changed.Not just a few cuts i was dead two times and on life support 9 days aswell.In sort of bad way but something kepted me going.Now that was bad but the it killed me more than accident did to me.First day home after 19 days in hospital.The it grab my arm smacked my head of wall and left me lying there and walked away.But the its face went completely white after an hour when she came back and i was still alive.I said to the it a bus couldnt fucking kill me you no fucking chance it.Three months later she smashed big picture of elvis in living room and stabbed me in the throat with a piece of glass.It opened an air way through my throat.Everytime i breathed it the oxygen replace my blood.Yes it was surgical emphysena its called.So every breath i took it compressed my lungs.The pain got so bad had to go to hospital.Very lucky i did not die.So again something kepted me going.
I got away from the it in the end up and she never killed but killed me more than the accident did.
With car accident and her nearly killing me.I came back home to rebuild my life.It taken some doing but what was holding back in my life no one could understand.Not even myself could.I was living my past in the future.
Everything i did each day was the past in the future.I tried to change and forget the past but it was so heavy on my shoulders it would not let me go forward in my life.The past was the future aaahhhhh. Until one day about 5 years ago i was walking Jerry lee and i got a feeling through my body nothing like i had ever before.It was the big weight lifted of my shoulders and my past was closed off.
As walking and back home i felt alive again with the past closed off.Even friends here noticed the difference in me.I felt like i had a new life again.The past what was holding me back was no more there.
It was such a relief to myself i could not belive it.As time went on and starting to see my future clearer with my past not holding me back.Rebuilding my life from scratch with the big help from mum and dad and my daughter and Jerry Lee.Things did look better for me for which i was very grateful and iam stepping forward in my life not backwards anymore.
For so long me living my past in the future was just killing me slowly but since that day walking with Jerry Lee the feeling in my bones changed for the better.Now my past is closed off as its not the future.
Yes theses days things still hard to do but with having positive vibes back in it does help me.
So i got through it just and i take day by day and enjoy the best i can as we only live once well in my case a few times.My future is my future and i will make it the best i can.
Adrian
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